Let Them

Should we?

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I pressed the red button on my phone and looked at Hubby. He shook his head and sighed. I looked down, disappointed and frustrated at our adult kiddo’s choices. Despite conversations, warnings, and encouragement to guide their decisions, it appeared that a gale-force wind had whisked away all of our advice, and it now rested at the bottom of the sea.

I glanced down at the book a friend recommended, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. This book spent 32 weeks at the top of the New York Times Bestseller list. The overall premise of the book? If you don’t like what people are doing, don’t let it bother you. “Let them” do what they want.

Sounds simple and applicable - especially to parents of adult children, right?

My first red flag appeared in the introduction:

“Start creating a life where you come first — your dreams, your goals, your happiness.” (The Let Them Theory, p. 12)

A life where I come first? That life ended for me when I-

1. Became a wife

2. Became a mom

3. Became a Christian

When I decided to quit my job to be a full-time mama, I received 100% support from Hubby. My days were soon filled with diapers and feedings, an abundance of laundry, and little sleep. But I took it upon myself to serve both my children and my husband. I wanted Hubby to want to come home from work and to feel loved. I learned how to cook meals from scratch and always had dinner waiting for him. I made sure the house was clean, and the toys were picked up. When we saw his car turn in the driveway, I gathered the kids together. When he opened the door, we greeted him with a parade of hugs and kisses, together chanting, “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!”

I could have let him come home to a mess, let him make his own dinner, and let him be ignored upon arrival - not encouraging our children’s hearts to be endeared to their father.

Did my heart always want to serve my husband? No. I definitely had times where selfishness burst through. But during those rocky times in our 32-year marriage, I wonder what would have happened had I listened to Mel Robbins instead of the Lord? Her advice?

“In life, the most courageous, honorable, and kind thing to do is tell someone you don’t want to be with them…It’s why people stay in marriages for a decade that they know have ended.” (The Let Them Theory, p. 124) (read it again…it’s truly a quote)

When I became a mom, every goal and ambition I had for myself was morphed. My new focus became the four blessings the Lord had given me. My kiddos have only one mom, and children have only one childhood. We homeschooled, filling our days with music and art, hiking and gardening, Scripture and serving, political canvassing and scraping manure, sledding and skating. Their childhoods were lively and full, so unique that they could never be replicated. As adults, my children feel they experienced more life during childhood than the average person.

I could have let them live a normal childhood. Instead, I gave them the best of me.

When I became a Christian, my life verse became Philippians 2:3-4:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

If I am living for others, what would that look like? What should I let them hear? What should I let them do?

“The Lord said to me, ‘Gather the people to me, that I may let them hear my words, so that they may learn to fear me all the days that they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children so.” (Deuteronomy 4:10)

“Thus says the Lord God: This also I will let the house of Israel ask me to do for them.” Ezekiel 36:37

“But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, (Psalm 5:11a)

If I truly desire to let them, I will:

1. Let them hear the words of the Lord by sharing the Gospel with them.

2. Let them pray and receive prayer, letting them know God is in control.

3. Let them rejoice and take refuge in the Lord.

The words “let them” appear more than 200 times in Scripture. The Lord lets us do a lot of things, just not everything encouraged in The Let Them Theory.

Mel Robbins’ book is an attempt to help us avoid being controlled by what we can’t control (other people) and instead be empowered to control what we can (ourselves). While there is an element of truth to releasing things beyond our control, we shouldn’t violate the Lord’s commands while doing so. If we ‘let them’, we would never send missionaries, share the Gospel, or help the poor and needy. This book makes no claim to be a Christian book, yet I know enough Christians who have read it, referred it to others, and are excited about implementing the book’s ideas into their own lives.

Always remember that just because something is published doesn’t mean it’s true. The Bible is our anchor. Measure everything (including my writing) against the plumbline of Scripture.

I’ll let you do that!

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Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash