Marrying an Unbeliever
Where the deep hurts hurt.
Today I’m glowing blue.
You, my precious daughter, have decided to marry an unbeliever.
When you broke the news, I tried to smile, but deep inside where the deep hurts hurt, I was crying.
Forgive me, please, precious daughter. I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but parents have dreams as well.
When you were born, my best friend told me to pray for your husband. I laughed. It seemed silly at the time. Pray for my newborn’s husband? I held you closely as you suckled, and I prayed for your husband, who may have also been suckling at that very moment. With eyes closed, I dreamed of your husband’s mama, also nursing and praying for you, her son’s future wife. I pictured the two of you growing step by step in parallel worlds, each following Jesus closely, and one day you would meet. At the time, it seemed a lifetime away.
Remember when you were twelve? I kidnapped you for a weekend getaway to have ‘the talk’. Halfway into our three-hour trip, you guessed the true purpose of our time together. The light turned red where Highway 27 intersects Highway 63 in Hayward. My face was as red as the light when you blurted out, “So you and Dad have sexted FOUR times?” Yes, precious daughter. Four times. That’s why we have four kids. And I promised that when you married your groom, you would have God’s permission to ‘sext’ as well.
Driving down the big hill in Stillwater, your eyes were always frantic to find the new bridal gowns on display in the store window. “Slow down!” you would plead, “That one! I want lace and beads on the bodice like that one.” The dream of your gown changed with every new outfit on the mannequin, but that special day set apart for you and your groom was always there, looming in the not-so-distant future.
The first time I met him, I simply couldn’t believe him to be your future groom because he doesn’t believe in Jesus. For 28 years, I have been praying for your husband. Is this really him? For two years now, I have been waiting for you to remove the rose-colored glasses, waiting for you to desire a God-honoring man, waiting for you to crave a spiritual head-of-household. When you marry him, your children will not have a father who loves Jesus, attends church, or teaches his family to pray. He will instead be watching hockey games on his phone. In a match between hockey and Jesus, does hockey win?
But it’s not true. Hockey will never win. Jesus is the victor. He has already won. You just need to decide if you’re going to be on the winning team.
So in a few weeks, I will watch you make vows before a Justice of the Peace, not our Pastor. The wedding gown of your dreams will not adorn your body. You will pledge your life to one who does not confess that Jesus is Lord. I don’t know if I will make it through the vows without weeping tears of mourning, for how can I celebrate? I want you to be happy, but not happy in sin, happy in pursuing things that make Jesus happy.
And if that day happens, I will forever continue to pray. I will pray for the souls of you and your husband, and your children. I will pray that in the tumult of marriage, you will only find peace in Jesus. I will pray that the people in your community will reach out to your family and invite you to church, and invite my grandbabies to VBS, and that you will realize the idyllic life you once had growing up with Jesus.
But today, I will continue to glow blue, as I mourn the years of unanswered prayers and your future life with an unbelieving spouse.
And I will pray the Lord would answer my prayers in a new way.
“Glowing Blue” was first introduced here:
Photo by Yusra Mizgin Günay on Unsplash
Tessa, I hear the heart of a mother who longs for her child to experience the goodness of wholeness and unity in marriage as God intended. I also know the experience of marriage with a spouse who doesn’t believe. I hope you’ll continue praying, and keep the door of relationship open with your daughter and son in law.
Thank you for this. I married an unbeliever because I was one too, until I was converted within six months. My 28 year old daughter knows the difficulties of unequally yoked marriages. She professes Christ yet is coming up on year two with an unbeliever. I too have prayed for her future husband for decades. I've been mourning more and more the longer time goes on. I see him pulling her away from Jesus. As you say, parents have dreams too. "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." May the Lord be glorified in saving those we love, according to his will.