Please Don't Pray for Me

Do I Honor That Request?

We sat together on the loveseat, but there was nothing lovely about it.

Just five years ago, we sat in the same spot, my arm outstretched and her head on my shoulder. I was a safe place. I was a comforter, a listening ear, a trusted friend. I led her to the Rock that is higher than I. I didn’t have all the answers to the questions she was asking, but I showed her where the answers could be found. We walked down many roads together. As the teen years hit, the roads became bumpy. We hit potholes, and she let go of my hand. The road crumbled, and she let go of Jesus.

There’s not much that a mom can do when this happens. It’s like standing at the top of a mountain and watching your daughter fall off. Her safety harness has been cut by her own choosing. She’s free-falling into the abyss. I reach out my hand, but she refuses to take hold. I can’t jump down and rescue her, so I cling to the Rock. I call out words of wisdom to save her, but the enemy steals them. I have no net to catch her with. There’s no trampoline to preserve her when she hits bottom. Only death. The crash at the end will be brutal. And eternal.

I remember the day Hubby and I were baptized. We came to the service at the lake lot with beach towels and a change of clothes. She held my hand.

“Mommy?”

‘Yes, Love.”

“What are you and Daddy doing?”

“We’re going to be baptized! We love Jesus so much that we want the world to know. In the Bible, people who believe in Jesus choose to be baptized.”

“Can I be baptized?”

“Yes, Darling, but not today.”

“Why not today? I love Jesus! I want the world to know that I love Jesus. Why can’t I be baptized today?”

She asked all of this with the most innocent, respectful tone; her big, beautiful eyes staring into mine. We didn’t know what to do. I called Pastor over, and he got down on one knee to talk to his 5-year-old congregant. Hubby and I listened to their deeply theological conversation. The earnestness on her face was genuine as she answered each of his questions. He stood up and looked at us.

“She’s ready. If you are okay with her being baptized, I will baptize her today.”

And the three of us were baptized on the same day. Baptism. A sign of our salvation, but the act of baptism itself has no saving power.

The Bible says you can’t lose your salvation. When you are born again, you have received the gift of eternal life, and this gift cannot be taken away from you. “I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.” (Jeremiah 32:40) But what if you are one day walking with Jesus, and the next day you’re not? What if the fear of God is not in your heart? What if you look like you’ve been saved, but then turn away? What if one day you believe, and the next day you have an unbelieving heart?

“Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.” (Hebrews 3:12-14)

Our original confidence must hold firm to the end. If the perseverance doesn’t hold firm, then maybe there was no salvation to begin with. If she had been a Christian, she would have continued as a Christian.

“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” (1 John 2:19)

Is she not of us? After all these years, was it only a charade? Or is she going through a trial period? A testing, of sorts? I don’t know. I know the past showed belief. I know the present shows unbelief. What does the future hold? What does it mean that God’s Word does not return void?

I sat on my cushion of the loveseat, and she on hers. Instead of a loving embrace, we faced each other. Her expression mocked; her words taunted.

“I pray for you every day, Beautiful Girl. I’ll continue to pray.”

“Please don’t.”

“Please don’t, what?”

“Please don’t pray for me. I don’t want your prayers. If I were a Wiccan, would you like it if I were to cast spells on you behind your back? No. So you should not be praying for people who do not want your prayers!”

I stared into those big, beautiful eyes. Can I be baptized, Mommy? Please don’t pray for me? The words echoed in my brain. How could both phrases come from the same mouth? How did this happen? What do I do now? I have no control. I have no power…

Oh, but I do. I do have power. I have the power of prayer. I have a sovereign God who created my daughter. I have a God who loves her infinitely more than I do. My God will leave the 99 and seek the one. Today, she is the one. He will relentlessly pursue her until she is found. Lord, I give her back to you…

To honor her request to cease praying would be to disobey the commands of the Holy One. We are to pray without ceasing. This I will do. I will pray, never ceasing.

I will pray like Moses, who went out from his struggles with Pharaoh and prayed to the Lord. (Exodus 8:30)

I will pray like Hannah, who “was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly.” (1 Samuel 1:10)

I will pray like Elisha, “Oh, Lord, please open her eyes that she may see.” (2 Kings 6:17)

And I will pray like Jesus, withdrawing to a desolate place to talk to my God. He will hear me. I have no control, but He has all control. He is sovereign, and He is good.

^“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

May You, oh gracious Father, bestow Your mercy and grace on my beautiful girl.

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Photo by Michael Glazier on Unsplash